You're The One
by Cecile5410
Summary: The encounter of Michael and Ben as seen through Ben's POV


**YOU'RE THE ONE.**

"Next time we'll cover the subject of images of homosexuality in comic books !"

"Goodbye Professor Bruckner" greeted me all my students while passing by my desk in the way to the exit door.

_How will I manage to explain the subject of gay culture in comic books to my students, knowing that I ignore everything about this subject ?_

I could explain for hours the homosexual image Homer gives in his work but comic books were definitely not my area. Fortunately, I had the whole week to think about it.

I headed to my apartment still wondering how to acquire enough knowledge about comic books to be able to work on it with my students.

I ate leftovers and took my pills - this dreadful disease made me take heavy drugs. Sometimes I took them without thinking, sometimes I got really mad at it, at Paul and at myself for not have been safer. I suddenly felt depressed. My life was uncertain, I had a shit in my body that wanted to kill me.

I wished I had someone who could support me every fucking day of my life. Of course I have a sex life, and a pretty decent one, but it's not enough, sex had never been enough.

None of my partners made my heart beats faster and guys I used to date always leave or freak out. I didn't blame them; I would have run away if I could. _It might be easier to be with someone who's positive. Anyway, live in the now ! I can't even apply this to myself_. I headed to the bathroom and had a shower but my dark thoughts were still there. I tried to mark a few copies, but I was tired and soon I was in bed.

I had a nightmare that night, I woke up all sweaty and took a series of deep breaths to calm down. I remembered my appointment with my doctor in the late morning and my heart speed up again. No reason to panic, I was in a good shape.

"Good morning Mr. Bruckner ! How are you doing ?" The doctor said while coming into the examining room and shaking my hand.

"You tell me !" I said trying not to sound too anxious.

"Yeah I got your results yesterday and you're healthy !"

I raised an eyebrow.

"... Uh I mean your results are good, you don't have to worry !" He smiled

I felt relieved. So this was my life since Paul had infected me, scaring shitless at each test, fearing that each cough will send me to the hospital. Why was I thinking about it ? It had been 5 years and there was nothing I could do to change that. _For now, enjoy the results_, I said to myself.

"Well, that's great news !" I smiled back "what's my T-Cell Count ?"

He read his paper "about six hundred, and your viral load is undetectable."

"What about my meds ?"

"I think it's best if you stay with anti-virals, no need to change the treatment."

"Alright then !"

On my way home, I saw this comic book store on Liberty Avenue, I didn't know why I hadn't noticed it before. It reminded me of my class, and of my need to find comics that shows homosexual characters. I had already found a few famous openly or secretly gay superheroes but not enough.

There was this comic book store, Red Cape Comics I saw but I guess this was not the best place, _must be just mangas and teenage comics_. Anyways it opened only on the next Monday.

And right there, from the other side of the street, I saw a young man entering the store. I only saw him a few seconds but I immediately felt attracted; Yes definitely I need some comic books, for professional reason, of course not to meet the beautiful specimen who just entered this store.

It was Monday, the day the comic book store was open.

_Should I go in there_ ? This question was running through my mind for an hour now, as I was standing on the other side of the street, watching the movements in the store. I saw three men enter the store and a red-haired woman._Come on, I said to myself, what are you afraid of_ ?

I crossed the street, and entered the store, remembering why I was coming. I immediately felt two pair of eyes on me as I was looking for my comic books.

"Yay or nay ?" I heard the older man say to the one I assumed to be the owner, the one I saw Saturday, and the reason why I was here.

I felt his eyes on me, looking me from top to bottom. I avoided looking at him, I didn't want to see the expression on his face while he was discovering me.

"Leather jacket, street shoes, the classic wear, I'd say straight !" I heard the taller man state.

"Michael ?"

"I don't know, superman, batman, if he picks one of the X-men I'd say gay !" The owner, Michael I presumed replied.

Playfully, I headed to the counter next to me and took an X-men, taking my time for the three of them to see it. The red-haired woman was still there and I decided I needed advice.

"Excuse me; I'm looking for wonder woman ?"

"You found her !"

I made an incomprehensive look at her.

"Just kidding. You're looking for my son, he's the owner" she continued and in a loud tone, called her son "Michael, you've got a customer !"

"Can I help you ?"

I finally allowed myself to look at him, his raven hair, smooth, pale skin and his big, deep brown eyes and my breath caught in my throat.

"I'm looking for some comic books" I said, breathing again.

He made a look that meant, you're in the right place. I chuckled.

"Anything in particular ?"

"Yeah, I'm looking for works based on their narratives, their graphics, cultural references, one might regard as" I hesitated to finish my sentence.

"Gay ?" he completed after a while.

"Yeah, right."

"Um let me see what you have so far." He took the comic books from my hands and looked at them.

"Can I make some suggestions ?"

"Yes please !"

"You might try Air Flight No. 106 where Northstar takes in a boy with AIDS, or I highly recommend X-Force 56 where Rictor and Shadowstar are described as being more than friends" he made a gesture to show the back of the store "There are others in the back you should look at."

I followed him to the back and we talked for an hour before I had to go to my classes. I was amazed at how easy it was to talk to him. I felt a connection between us, as if we knew each other for years.

Michael didn't leave my mind all day; I thought about his passion for comic books as he gave me plenty of examples, speaking faster and faster as he was drunk on his subject, a light spark in his thoughtful brown eyes. When I got home that evening, I unpacked my comics and started reading them. It was surprisingly interesting. I read until my eyes started closing and I couldn't keep them opened anymore.

That night was peaceful. I had a picture of Michael in my mind. His raven hair, pump lips, and brown eyes and that just made me feel good. The next day I only had a class at 10 am; I needed rest but got up early to visit the store. As I entered the store, the eyes I dreamt of were on me; Michael smiled at me and I felt like I didn't want to be anywhere else.

"Hi ! Back so soon ? Don't tell me you've already read all the comics I gave you." Michael said, impressed.

"Yeah I was really into it, literally !" I replied

"Great, so can I find you others ?" He offered "... If you want."

"Um, actually I've already found what I wanted !"

"Oh really ?" he said trying to hide his disappointment. I was surprised to find myself pleased by his reaction.

I nodded "You !" I said pointing at him.

"Me ?" He raised his eyebrows in surprise making his gorgeous brown eyes even bigger.

"I should explain : my name is Ben, Ben Bruckner" I reached out a hand.

"Michael, Novotny" he replied, shaking my hand.

"I teach gay studies at Carnegie Mellon, and I want you to come speak to my class" I continued, finally making my offer.

"Me ? About what ? You're the teacher; I only went to community college for 3 months."

"Don't put yourself down. When it comes to comic books, you are an incredible source of knowledge. You have a passion and it's..." _sexy ? Adorable ? Exciting ?_ "Contagious !" I finished, choosing the most reasonable word.

He looked puzzled for a few seconds and I wondered what he was thinking about.

"So you want me ?" He asked.

He caught my look which was not as innocent as I'd like it to be and blushed. "... Uh I mean... for your class." I loved the way his cheeks turned a light shade of red as he looked a little embarrassed.

"Will you come ?"

"Sure, if I can help !" A big grin crossed my face and he grinned back to me. At that moment I couldn't take my eyes off him. I was hypnotized. He broke contact and looked away, sending me back to the reality.

"Uh I have a class, I'd better go, and I'll see you tomorrow then !" I said heading to the door.

"Sure, bye !"

It was really odd. I never wanted someone that much, I had almost surrender to the temptation to get closer to him; I imagined my lips on his and my tongue in his warm, sexy mouth.

_Stop_ ! I said to myself. I was getting hard just thinking about it, not a good way to appear in front of my students_; h__e may not even be gay, or even if he is, he'll run away as soon as he knows about m__e._

The next day, I was so excited thinking that I'll be able to look at him and listen to his beautiful voice, without looking weird.

I was talking to my class about their next test, when he entered the room. I paused and looked at him, suddenly forgetting what I was going to say. Here and now, there was just him, standing in the back of the room, staring at me and me looking at him, admiring him as much as I could. Then I snapped back to reality and saw that my students were looking at me quizzically. One even said: "Professor Bruckner, are you alright ?"

_Fuck, did I just really stop talking and start staring at him like an idiot ? And now I'm blushing. Awesome_.

"Yes, I'm alright thanks" I replied a little too quickly.

One of my students turned back, saw what had caught my attention and smiled. "You were saying that we should stay focused on our exams, and not get distracted."

I felt the irony in his sentence and froze as I saw Michael's grin. Obviously he felt it too.

"Yes I was talking about your coming exams, but I will finish next time ! You're free to go !"

Without even knowing, I headed to the back of the room. Michael was heading to where I stood and we finally met in the middle.

"Hi ! You're early."

"Hi ! Oh yes, I am. I'm sorry. Did I bother you ?"

He was so caring, worrying if he had bothered me. I would have answered: _you could never bother me_ ! Instead I replied: "No you didn't, I just noticed you !"

"I know you did" he said with a knowing smile.

Blushing. Again. He was teasing me, and in a way I was glad he knew I liked him.

"Uh... anyway here is where the students sit, you should stand in front and prepare yourself !"

"I'll do that" he said walking to the front where I had stood a moment before.

The students arrived and he started talking. But it was not as when he talked to me in his comic books store, it was prepared and predicable. He seemed to just repeat a text he learnt. The students looked a little bored and he noticed it. He looked at me and I made a reassuring smile. Then, when he resumed speaking, it was really with passion, the passion I remembered, and he smiled again. Oh God, I loved that smile ! I was lost in it for a moment and I had to fight to take back control of myself.

"And my mom didn't want me to read them" he said, an unprepared speech this time "but later when I realized..." he made a pause "later when I realized that I was gay, I read them for a different reason."

I'm sure my heart skipped a beat at his pronouncement. Gay ? ! I was in heaven, suddenly all my dreams seemed possible. _But he doesn't know yet, and when he does, he'll run away for sure_. My heart ached at this thought but I couldn't stop myself from dreaming... he could stay. I forced myself away from that thought listened to the rest of his speech.

"I believe the same about us : we will survive ! " He paused, thinking about what he wanted to say next. "But back to the guys in the tights !" I laughed, my first, real laugh in a long time.

The rest of Michael's lecture went well and quickly, the class ended and I invited him to my place.

"Do you want anything ? Juice, beer, wine ?" I offered.

"A beer would be great !"

I took two beers in my fridge and came back in the living room to give one to him. I took my book too, wanting to offer it to him.

"Thanks !" he said as he took a sip.

I watched the movement of his gorgeous throat as he swallowed. He then looked up and our eyes met. We looked in each other's eyes for a moment, these beautiful, big brown eyes were looking deep into mine as if they could read my mind. Suddenly, I remembered the book.

"Oh, I've got something else for you !" I handed him the book.

" !" he said, thoughtfully. "Oh, Are you one too ? I got it ! So you wrote this, you wrote a book ?" he was obviously impressed.

"Yes it's my first and so far only now. It remained on sale for just a week. "I said with a grin.

"I never met anyone who had written a book before."

"Open it !" I said, looking down at the book.

He opened it and read the message I had written for him.

"To Michael, beneath whose mild mannered appearance, beats the heart of a super hero... Ben.

He paused, I was staring at his face, waiting for his reaction.

"I don't know what to say" he got closer to me and we hugged. I had never been so close to him, and it felt great ! I wished I could just hold him forever. We parted reluctantly.

"No words required !" I couldn't say anything else, I didn't want to break the magic of the moment.

He looked me in the eyes and nearly whispered, stepping closer. "How about this ?" He got even closer and finally kissed me.

His mouth on mine was heaven, it was sheer pleasure. At first he was hesitant, as if he didn't know how I would respond. When I kissed him back, pressing my lips against his, he became bolder ... pushing, kissing me with more fervor.

I put my hand behind his head, feeling the soft raven hair under my fingers. I slowly opened my mouth, a silent signal he noticed. Then our tongues melted together. Sparks flew, like lighting a firework, simply magical. My tongue was in his warm, welcoming mouth and I wanted to explore every corner it, to take all he had to give me.

There was no more fear or doubts. His mouth was on mine and it was the only thing that mattered.

I didn't realize he had begun to unbutton my shirt and it quickly slipped off. He was now working on my jeans and then the thoughts that kept me awake the last few nights came back into my mind. I didn't want to stop what was happening, but I had to be honest, he had the right to know. I tried to say between kisses "Wait... wait... wait we should wait, Michael"

"What for ?" he said with a lustful and so sexy smile.

"I just want you to know that, I'm HIV-positive."

I saw in his eyes that the moment had been broken.

Lying in my bed, there were voices in my head; one was saying:_ see the positive, he didn't run away; he just had to leave and you have an early class_. And the other was torturing me: _you're a fool, didn't you understand ? He's too polite to just run out the door, but he's gone anyway_. I put a pillow on my head and forced myself to think of my morning class. I finally fell asleep.

The next morning, as I was going to leave, I saw a sweater on my couch. He must have forgotten it. This was my excuse to stop by his store.

It was near midday when I pushed the store's door; I saw Michael talking to the red-haired woman, his mother she said. He looked up and grinned at me; I felt my heart fill with love for him. _Take this pessimist voice_ ! I thought.

"Hey !" he said with his sweet voice. I stepped closer to the counter

"I'm Debbie, his mother" the red-haired woman said, introducing herself.

"Yes' I remember."

"He remembers me !"

"Yeah, you're hard to forget" Michael said teasingly to her. I chuckled.

"So, um, you left this at my place" I said to Michael, wondering how his mother would react.

"In his place ?" She was surprised, but as far as I could see, obviously pleased "I didn't know you were getting laid !"

"Maaa !" he complained, his cheeks turning to red.

"Better luck next time" she winked and left the store.

"So, I came to see how you were doing, you know, with the - hi, I'm Ben, 33, teacher and I'm HIV positive ! I wasn't sure after you left yesterday" I said, in a hesitant tone.

"No, it's just the first time that someone I'm interested in is positive."

"Interested, like still interested ?" I asked, my mind running fast at the thought of all the possibilities it gave.

He nodded.

"Well, that's good !" I grinned happily.

"You know, when my mother knew I was gay, she gave me a big safe sex lesson. I knew how to put a condom on a cucumber before I knew how to drive !"

I chuckled and teased him. "I was going to ask you out tonight... but now I'm not so sure..."

"Why ?" his disappointment was obvious.

"Well Michael, a cucumber is a lot to live up to !"Well...Michael, a cucumber is a lot to live up too."

He laughed and his face lit up.

"I have to return to my class, I'll see you tonight."

A smile crossed his face. "Sure thing" he replied.

This evening we went for a walk in the park. He had finished my book and loved it. I was happy, just to be with him, talk to him. It was like I was finally complete.

We went back to my place. As we were there, our bodies got closer and our mouths found each other. It was sweet and tender, each discovering the other and soon we began kissing with more fever, wanting to explore all of each other's mouth. Michael pushed me on the couch, sat on my lap and resumed the kiss. I began unbuttoning his shirt and took it off him; he did the same with mine. I was gently biting on his bottom lip and he opened his mouth, allowing mine to take possession of it. We kissed with more and more fever until we parted, breathless.

"Condoms ?" he asked, still trying to catch his breath.

I looked at him lustfully.

"Bathroom" I replied pointing in the direction of the bathroom.

He went to find them and disappeared in the bathroom. I quickly removed my jeans and pants, anticipating what was going to happen next. I couldn't believe that he was in my bathroom, half-naked, searching for condoms to use with me. This was the biggest turn on I've ever known. I couldn't wait so I headed to the bathroom to meet him.

He was standing in front of the sink. He closed the cabinet and I saw his face in the mirror. I had never seen this expression before. I wanted to reassure him from whatever made his face darken like this. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"Found them ?" I asked, to break the silence.

"Found them" he said, his voice toneless.

I rested my head on his shoulder and kissed his neck I was trying to catch his eyes but he was looking down.

"I can't do this."

"Here, let me try" I offered, taking the condom from him.

"No, I mean, I can't" he looked up and all I could see in his eyes was sadness.

He continued. "I thought I could, that I could handle it but... I can't." He was looking down again, avoiding my eyes, I unwrapped my arms and stepped back, beginning to understand what he was saying.

He added "I'm sorry."

_Why did you think he'd be different ?_ But I wasn't mad at him, it was not his fault if I was sick and potentially dangerous.

"You don't have to apologize" I said in a tone that I hoped wasn't angry "it's... better we find out now, before someone gets hurt."

I walked out of the bathroom. _This is unbelievable, I'm walking out of my bathroom, my heart broken, and... I'm naked._ I went in my room and locked the door. I lay down on my bed, still hoping that this, all this wasn't real; that Michael would be coming back to me and we would do what we had planned.

I didn't sleep a single minute that night. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw this face, these eyes, this mouth saying to me what I would never have wanted to hear. And I had these questions torturing me: _Why ? Why does it hurt so much ? What have I done to make him leave ? _But I couldn't find any answers.

The next day, I didn't go to work. I stayed in my apartment with my dark thoughts and the pessimistic voice in my head happy that she was right.

The days after, I tried to shake the sadness off me by putting all my energy in work. But I couldn't get Michael off my mind. Every time my mind wasn't busy, I thought of him. Michael's eyes, Michael's red lips and delicious mouth. Michael's soft voice, smooth creamy skin; Michael naked. Michael naked and all the things I could do with it. _Stop hurting yourself ! This is never going to happen_. I said to myself, but those same thoughts helped me find the peace to fall asleep.

It was now two weeks since the bathroom scene. I was getting better; at least I would believe it. I was having nightmares but in them, Michael was saving me from all the bad things that happened to me.

My heart was still feeling empty, like it was missing a part of itself. And above all I had those hallucinations, I saw him all the time, in each corner of street, on each ad spot. I couldn't help wondering what our relationship might have been like if I weren't positive. The important thing was that I had been mad at him one day, I wasn't anymore. _Maybe I need to fuck my brains out with some random hot guy_. I felt in the mood to go to Babylon, just to change the atmosphere.

_What am I doing here, seriously __ ?_ I was sitting at a table in a restaurant I liked, waiting for my date. I had registered on a dating website and then I had a date. I have never believed in internet dating and there I was sitting patiently in a restaurant. Plus, I was tired. The night at Babylon wasn't what I had expected, but I danced all night long to clear my head from all thoughts and it was great. Just listening to the music and dancing, moving in rhythm made me feel better.

There was someone at the bar looking at me, it was Michael. Of course it was Michael; it was always Michael wherever I was going. It's only when he sat in front of me that I realized it was really him, in the flesh and smiling.

"Michael" I said, trying to convince myself he was really here.

He grinned at me.

"Ben, what a surprise !"

"Small world uh ?" I hardly tried to appear relaxed.

"Yeah ! Aida was right when she said I knew who it was" he said with enthusiasm.

I was pleased to see him smile again but I'd have preferred to never see him again. It was too painful, to see him, to be in front of him, and to know that I couldn't have him. And now he was speaking to me, and I didn't understand anything he was saying.

"Who ?" I asked, a bit lost.

"Aida, the match-maker !" he tried to explain.

Okay. _Is he really telling me about his love life_ ?

"She'll go crazy when she finds out about this."

"A... about what ?" I didn't understand what he was talking about. Seeing him made me more sad than happy and my date was about to arrive. So why was he still here ?

"You and me !"

He stared at my I-don't-understand-a-word-you're-saying face. _There's no you and me !_ I would have yelled.

"I'm sorry, I'm..."

"You're on a date ?" His words cut me.

_Oh, no way !_ All that speech about the match-maker and the you-and-me thing, he thought he was dating me. But why was he happy about that ? I didn't get it, we broke up. My head was a terrible mess and I just wanted him to leave. As if God had heard me, my date arrived.

"Hey" he said.

Then I replied to Michael "Yes, I am, but... not with you"

He looked up at the guy and seemed to understand. Suddenly he stood up and nearly ran to the exit.

My date was a designer, 34, no kids and so many other details but I didn't listen to half the things he said. Not that he was mean, just boring.

_Stop regretting the past ! _I was repeating to myself my credo again and again. It had been another two weeks and I was really better. I had convinced myself that I was better alone than with someone who was scared of me. Now that I was alone, I spent most of my time at the college, preparing my classes, marking copies or helping students. Helping people had always made me happy.

I was lost in my thoughts while walking back home, that's maybe why I didn't see the now familiar shape that was standing outside of my building. _Just act normal !_ I said to myself when I saw him.

"Ben, what a coincidence !" Michael called to me.

"Uh not really I live here !"

He was surprised by my reaction and for a moment, didn't know what to say next. I took that chance and started to walk to the entrance of my building.

"Well, have a good day !"

He walked with me, not wanting to let me go.

"The truth is..." he made a pause, I looked at him questioningly. _Yeah the truth, absolutely, like I can do this and then I can't do this and I break your heart ! Go ahead Michael !_

"I've been standing here for two hours waiting for you."

_Ok, now I owe him a reply_. "You want to come inside ?"

"Sure, thanks" he smiled at me.

_No, no don't smile at me like that, I can't handle it !_

In my apartment, I put my bag on the floor and my leather jacket in the closet. I saw that Michael was looking at one of my Buddha statues. "A friend of mine gave me that, 'supposed to rub his belly for luck"

"Does it work ?"

"Can't hurt" I replied, but I was still waiting for the reason he was here.

"Can I get you a drink ?" I offered while filling my glass with water.

"No thanks." He paused and I noticed him taking a breath before talking. "I've been thinking about you, a lot"

What could I say to this ? Personally I totally forgot about you ? That was mean and so false. I knew I had to be honest "I've been thinking about you too"

"Well, I may have overreacted, you know, to you being positive."

I nodded but didn't say anything, I waited for Michael to continue.

"I listened to a lot of people, instead of listening to myself." He was getting closer and closer to me as he spoke, as he told me those words I wanted so much to hear.

"I'd like to start again, that is if you're not seeing anyone. You're not seeing anyone, are you ?"

For a moment, I considered the idea of telling him I was dating someone, but I couldn't.

"No" I simply said. He looked me in the eyes. _Ooh he can't give me that look. Doesn't he know that drives me crazy ?_

"Good then, we can pick up where we left off." He put a hand on my hips and leaned in to kiss me.

It took all the strength I had in me to push him away. This was exactly what I wanted. I wanted him wanting to kiss me, but I couldn't let him. It had been too painful the last time and I didn't want to let myself get lost in him again.

"Look Michael, I appreciate that you came here to talk to me. And everything you said about this time it would be different. But I can't take that chance. I need to know that if I allow myself to love someone, they're not going to give up on me, no matter what their mother or friends say. I need to know they'll be there. So, I'm sorry but it takes more than a kiss."

While I was speaking, he stepped back and looked at me with his sad eyes. It almost made my will fail; and I had to keep my hands on the counter to prevent myself from taking him in my arms and telling him that everything would be okay, just to see his smile and his face lighten.

As he turned to go to the door, I was surprised to see the look in his eyes, there was no more sadness, just a fierce determination.

"I'd better go but I warn you, I'm not giving up."

It was Sunday morning, and I was getting ready for a basketball game with friends from my building. I was the first one to get there and I started training; _today__, I will not let them win !_

All of a sudden Michael came into the park. Just like that. How did he always know where I was ?

"What are you doing here ?" I asked, but not interrupting my training.

"Hello to you Ben, I'm pleased to see you too !" he replied teasingly.

"I don't want to do this Michael."

"Yes, you do; I'm here with you and I'm not going anywhere." And again he had that determined look.

The rest of the guys had arrived and we start playing.

Matt, one of my team players, asked me, pointing to Michael "Ben you okay ?"

"I am. Let's play and take our revenge." I replied, trying to sound enthusiastic.

We were winning when one of the guys had to leave. Michael took the ball and said before anyone could protest "I'll replace him !"

"Michael, you never played basketball !"

"I don't intend to play" he said, grinning devilishly.

I frowned. So what will he be doing ?

"Give the ball" Matt said.

"No" Michael replied in a determined tone as he tried to dribble. He looked like a child who didn't know what to do.

"I'll give you the ball only if he agrees to go out on a date with me " he pointed at me.

I shook my head. _No way he's going to have me again !_

"Ben, we have some unfinished business."

God, he was so attractive when he gave me that smile.

"Ben, this is your problem, handle it and make him give the ball back !" Matt said.

"Come on Michael, give me the ball !"

"Go out with me !" He was still keeping the ball in his hand. The guys started to get annoyed.

Matt said to me "you'd better agree; looks like he's not going to give up". He whispered to me "and it's not as if you didn't want him" he winked. _Was it that obvious ?_

"Fine, Ok, now give it."

Michael smiled, a big, happy smile that crossed his face from ear to ear. "Woody's 9 p.m. don't be late !"

He threw the ball and it hit the ground in front of Matt and he left. I was starting to believe maybe we could try again. I tried not to have too much hope, but I couldn't help the effect Michal had on me. For now, I was dating him, and I couldn't wait to hear what he had to say.

Woody's, 9 PM, I was right on time. As I entered the bar, I heard someone say that it was Karaoke night. A man was singing Hot Stuff and it was... uh I'd better not criticize. _No way Michael is going to make me sing !_ I was searching for Michael in the crowd when he came by me.

"Hey ! You came" he said obviously glad that I had kept my promise. He came forward to hug me. A hug. I felt the pleasure of having his body against mine, I had missed this so much.

"I said I would" I stated.

"Come on, I'll introduce you to the guys."

"I thought this was about you and me ?" I was disappointed but he didn't seemed to notice.

"Guys, this is Ben ! Ben this is Emmett, Ted, Justin and Brian" he pointed at them as he told me their names.

_No. Fucking. Way ! That's Brian Kinney. What is he doing here ? Great, It wasn't complicated enough ! Do I should tell Michael ? But why ? We're not together and he doesn't have to know what happened one meaningless night two years ago at a White Party._

Judging by his face, Brian had recognized me too.

"Well, hello there Professor" Brian said with a conspiratorial smile.

"What a coincidence !" Emmett said.

"Not at all, I invited him. He's my date." He pronounced the last word a bit loudly, obviously proud of himself.

"But I thought you two had... uh... broken up" the older one, Ted, said carefully.

I was about to explain but Michael spoke first. "I'd like us to be together again. Anybody got a problem with that ?" he asked, but judging by his aggressive tone, it was not really a question.

"Not at all" said his friends, except Brian, who didn't say anything.

"Glad to hear it." He smiled at me.

So it was all about him. Again. After a while, it was obvious that we wouldn't be alone and that I made a fool of myself. _I have to just accept we won't be together again !_ It was almost too hard to bear.

I stood up, Michael looked up at me quizzically. The singer had finished his song and the stage was now empty.

"I have to go."

"But you just got here."

"You said we'd be alone and we're not. Take care of yourself Michael" I turned my back to him after one last look in his eyes; again I saw a fierce determination. _But what does it mean ?_

I was making my way to the exit door when I heard it. His voice, Michael's voice. He had taken the microphone; I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing.

"Ben, the two of us will look no more

We both found what we were looking for"

I was petrified. The shy, discreet Michael had the courage to sing in front of all these people just for me. I turned around to see him. I just couldn't believe it. He was terrified at the idea of speaking to my class and now he was singing a song to prove to me he could 'do this'.

"With a friend to call my own

I'll never be alone

And you my friend will see

You've got a friend in me"

All I was able to do was breathe, blink and smile. I must have looked like a fool.

"I used to say I and me

Now it's us Now it's we"

At that moment, I felt my heart get lighter than ever, and at the same time heavy, filled with love for the man on the stage.

Inexplicably there, in that bar, I knew. I knew Michael was the one, the one I have been looking for all my life. I felt like he will be there, that he is strong enough to handle whatever happens regarding my health.

While I was savoring the fact that he was my soul mate, he had finished the song and was there on the stage, waiting for me, a reaction, a movement, but my body wouldn't respond. He seemed shocked, angry and humiliated by my lack of a reaction and almost ran to the exit door.

He passed by me and was nearly at the door when I took back control of my body. I had the urge to take his body in my arms, his mouth in mine. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to me. He looked at me surprisingly. Yeah, these eyes, a huge sea of chocolate where I wanted to lose myself. But for now, I pulled him closer with my free hand and I took possession of his mouth.

At first, it was just my mouth against his but soon I forced his mouth open with my tongue and began devouring his. He responded at my attack and our tongues danced a delicious ballet. It was heaven. It was like giving a feast to a starving man. It was such a strong and in a way scary feeling, to be that vulnerable.

He put his hand on my heart and got even closer. He started sucking and softly biting on my bottom lip and it sent a wave of pleasure down my body. How could he know this turned me on ? How did he know me so well ? I didn't want this moment to end, I didn't want to part; like as long as we kissed, it was real, simple, magical and nothing could happen to us.

"You two lovebirds should know we can't fuck in public spaces !" It was Brian, bringing us to the reality. "Trust me, I tried. Haven't we Sunshine ?" Brian and Justin grinned knowingly at each other.

We hadn't noticed that all Michael's friends were staring at us and Emmett even had tears in his eyes. Brian chuckled at Michael's smirk. "Let's go outside" Michael said, taking my hand.

"On the street ? ?" Brian feigned a surprised look "well Mikey I'm impressed !"

"Fuck off Brian" Michael blushed, and he was goddamn sexy. How could I have pretended I didn't need him ?

"Come on" he said to me.

As I began to follow Michael, Brian caught my arm and made me stop. He leaned in and whispered in my ear so that I was the only one who could hear him. "You hurt him again and you won't have the time to say I'm sorry." His voice sounded scary and menacing.

Michael looked at Brian, waiting for an explanation "Don't worry Mikey, I didn't tell him how you were in bed"

Brian smirked and winked at Michael before walking back to the table. This was the only thing Michael would get as an explanation; I could sense his frustration as we waked out of the bar.

We walked down Liberty Avenue and discussed just about everything and nothing. I felt more comfortable with him than with anyone else and I allowed myself to tease him.

"Well, I learned a thing about you today !"

"Oh yeah what ?"

"You can't play basketball." I chuckled when he feigned a hurting look.

Taking back my serious tone I said, "But I'm glad you came back and fought for me; I'm impressed at how determined you are."

We stopped walking and Michael looked me in the eyes "I told you, when I want something I'll do anything to get it." He looked at me as if I was the most important person in the world and it made me feel like I could die of happiness.

"You mean me ?" I smiled.

"Yeah, I mean you." He smiled back and kissed me.

We parted reluctantly to catch our breath "I am having dinner at my mom's tomorrow, I could introduce you if you'd like to come with me" he offered, I could sense hesitation in his voice.

"I'd love to." He kissed me but I soon had to part.

"As much as I love kissing you, I have class tomorrow morning."

A look of disappointment crossed his face. "I'm not running away, I just don't want to rush things."

"Okay, fine" he put his hands on my hips and kissed me softly. I opened my mouth, inviting Michael's tongue in. I let the feeling of love and safety surround me.

The next day, I was in a good mood; For the first time since... a long time, thinking about Michael made me happy. During my classes, I noticed that some students were surprised by my change of mood. _How disturbing it must be for them !_

Michael called me later to confirm the dinner with his mom and his uncle and we finally talked for an hour, losing all perception of time.

The dinner started fine. I had brought flowers for Debbie and she liked them, even though she seemed to not appreciate me. Michael glanced at me several times, certainly to check if I was uncomfortable by his mother's behavior. But I was determined to prove to her I was good enough to date and love her son. It seemed important to Michael and I wanted to do it the right way.

It was kind of funny to see Michael mad at his mother for not accepting me, knowing that he did the same thing a while ago. A shudder crossed my entire body at the memory of the pain I felt at this moment. He noticed it and gave me a reassuring look.

I rested a hand on his thigh under the table. He smiled, putting one of his hands above mine.

'Uncle Vic' as Michael called him, was sharing a story with us about his high school days and it made us laugh.

Debbie was staring at me. She cut off Vic's laughter.

"So how long have you been positive Ben ?" she said simply, as if it was an ordinary dinner conversation. Michael's fork stopped in mid-air and I felt his body tense.

"Mother ?" he said, a warning look in his eyes.

"I'd just like to know."

"That's okay. No problem" I said trying to reassure a very uncomfortable Michael. I turned to Debbie, "five years."

"What's your T-Cell Count ?"

I wasn't really surprised by her questions, I knew they'd come sooner or later. Michael was pissed off, he threw his fork down loudly. I squeezed his hand. "600."

"Ever been hospitalized ?"

"Not yet. Knock wood" I said, knocking the table.

Vic and Michael were following our exchange. I could see understanding in Vic's face, but Michael was on the verge exploding as Debbie continued.

"Viral load ?"

"Undetectable."

"And the cocktail ?"

"Antiviral's."

This was too much for Michael and he burst. "What the fuck you think you're doing ?"

"This is the reality sweetheart, and you're just gonna have to live with it" she answered, in a not so neutral tone

Michael was still upset when we came back to my apartment. "It was supposed to be a dinner, not a fucking Spanish inquisition. She knows a lot of positive people." He was sexy as hell when he was angry, waooh.

I made myself the devil's advocate even though I thought he was right. "But none of them are dating her son. She was just trying to protect you."

"I don't need anyone protecting me !"

"Yeah try to tell her that" I smiled at this thought.

_Fear isn't going to help. He needs to know these things even if he doesn't want to hear them, it is a part of me._

"What she was asking, you have the right to know. I'm in a good shape now but I can't promise it'll always be."

"But there's no always; there's only now, it's all we have. Isn't it what you're always telling me ?"

He was determined to stay and nothing could make me happier. He was all I had ever dreamed of, all I had ever wanted.

"That's what I'm always telling you !"

"So I don't care what anyone else says or feels, I just care how I feel."

I looked at his face which was only showing love and trust. Then we kissed. It was soft, warm and a little hesitant like a first kiss. It was as if we were rediscovering each other and we wanted more. While kissing, we had crossed the living room and were now at the doorway of the bedroom.

We paused for a while, I knew where this was going to lead and I wanted to enjoy every moment of it. We locked eyes, I looked deep in his gorgeous brown eyes. This was one of the amazing things I loved about Michael, his eyes were expressive chocolate orbs. At this moment they reflected love, trust and lust; not an ounce of fear or hesitation. Michael was all mine, he wouldn't be leaving anymore. He was mine tonight, and tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. It was such a comforting thought.

He resumed what we were doing by kissing me. I helped him remove my shirt and he took off my belt. I unbuttoned his jeans while he took off his own shirt. We hugged; the feel of his bare chest against mine and his mouth kissing my neck sent a wave of pleasure through my entire body. We entered the bedroom. This night was going to be the best of my life.

I woke up the next day curled up against Michael. We didn't sleep much that night but I slept better than any other night. I felt happy, safe, and peaceful. I felt the peace I had lacked for so long. I didn't realize Michael was looking at me.

"Hey, gorgeous" I said leaning to kiss him "how long have you been looking at me ?"

"Not so long. You seemed miles away. You here now ?" he smiled, we were both smiling like idiots; _so that's what happiness looks like._

"Want me to show you I'm really here ?" I asked with a playful grin.

I took his lips between mine and he slightly opened his mouth. This was a proposition I wasn't going to turn down; I pushed my tongue in his mouth and soon our tongues were fighting for dominance, sucking on each other. Michael's moan echoed through my body.

We parted and he looked at me, with the same playful grin I had.

"I am still not convinced; I need more proof" he said, trying to sound imperial but didn't really succeed.

"I think I can arrange that" I rolled on top of him, making our entire bodies touch. I resumed the kiss more sweetly as we rubbed our bodies against each other's. He soon broke the kiss to look me in the eyes.

"Ben, I love you."

Wooh ! when I thought it couldn't get any better, here came the three most meaningful words in the world.

"I love you too" I replied, not playing anymore.

This was how I felt. This was like nothing I had experienced before. This feeling, this was love, this is love.


End file.
